Awwwwwwk­ward.

“Ask EDW” is your oppor­tu­nity to ask ques­tions directly to Chair­man and CEO EDW Lynch.* If you have a ques­tion, please con­tact us!

*or his autho­rized sig­na­to­ries and assigns

THE QUESTION:
What is a Moment of Awk­ward­nesss?
–J., Port­land, Oregon

THE ANSWER:

J., thanks for this great ques­tion. A lot of peo­ple want to know more about the term “Moment of Awk­ward­ness,” or MOA.  First of all, it’s noth­ing to be afraid of. Moments of Awk­ward­ness are a nat­ural and reg­u­lar byprod­uct of EDW Lynch social oper­a­tions. Social awk­ward­ness is a core com­pe­tency of the EDW Lynch brand, and we strongly believe it is part of the manglomerate’s intrin­sic charm, much in the same way that moldi­ness makes blue cheese so irresistible.

There are sev­eral cat­e­gories of MOAs. The most com­mon are:

• A misunderstanding–joke or obscure reference.
• Roman­tic intent (unexpected)
• Social gaffe

An MOA can range in sever­ity from mild to extremely awk­ward.  EDW Lynch uses the met­ric “Awks per Meter” mea­sure­ment (Awks/M), rang­ing from 1.0 to 11.0 Awks/M. Most MOAs are mild, rat­ing at less than 3.0 Awks/M. Should an MOA exceed that thresh­old, two things will hap­pen: we dis­close the MOA via our pub­lic edw­lynchcm twit­ter account and we dis­patch our Awk­ward Mit­i­ga­tion Team (AMT).

The Awk­ward Mit­i­ga­tion Team
In 2005 EDW Lynch formed the Awk­ward Mit­i­ga­tion Team. The AMT con­sists of a 24 hour on-call team of pro­fes­sion­als: lawyers, cri­sis man­agers, coun­selors, and dat­ing experts.  Once an MOA has been detected, the AMT is dis­patched to assess and respond. Very often a bit of edu­ca­tion goes a long way in mit­i­gat­ing a moment of awk­ward­ness. Usu­ally a mis­un­der­stand­ing can be cleared up, or an obscure pop cul­ture ref­er­ence explained. On rare occa­sions, the MOA is so severe that the recip­i­ent may need to be coun­seled by our pro­fes­sion­als or their Part­ner Man­age­ment dat­ing or Pre­ferred Rhom­bus™ friend account may need to be terminated.

Once the Awk­ward Mit­i­ga­tion Team has responded to the Moment of Awk­ward­ness, an SR1090 MOA Report is issued and filed for fur­ther study.

Social awk­ward­ness is part of doing busi­ness with EDW Lynch. It’s our respon­si­bil­ity to respond to and mit­i­gate these MOA’s with all of our cor­po­rate resources. And I assure you, nobody is more advanced in the cre­ation and mit­i­ga­tion of social awk­ward­ness than the EDW Lynch Cor­po­rate Manglomerate.

EDW Lynch

DICTATED BUT NOT READ

SAN FRANCISCO–During a rou­tine press con­fer­ence EDW Lynch was con­fronted by heated ques­tion­ing from mem­bers of the inter­na­tional press regard­ing an alleged “voice­mail bom­bard­ment.” Due to the ongo­ing inves­ti­ga­tion by the Awk­ward Mit­i­ga­tion Team (AMT), EDW Lynch was unable to respond to spe­cific ques­tions regard­ing the alleged series of voice­mails and text mes­sages sent, allegedly, to an indi­vid­ual over the course of the weekend.

EDW Lynch did take the oppor­tu­nity express regret for a 2004 inci­dent in which 10 mes­sages and phone calls were trans­mit­ted to a young woman in San Fran­cisco. The man­glom­er­ate takes these mat­ters very seri­ously and looks for­ward to the con­clu­sion of the Awk­ward Mit­i­ga­tion Team’s investigation.

In other news, EDW Lynch has recently enjoyed the finest sand­wich of this fis­cal quar­ter. For the record, it was a Viet­namese Banh Mi.

See the full text of the press release

Addi­tional EDW Lynch press con­fer­ence videos can be found here

SAN FRANCISCO– EDW Lynch dis­closed a “Let’s Just Be Friends” (LJBF) inci­dent at a tele­vised press con­fer­ence on Tues­day, end­ing spec­u­la­tion by the inter­na­tional press regard­ing a series of Moment of Awk­ward­ness (MOA) alerts that occurred the pre­ced­ing Sun­day. The text of the press release is below and the orig­i­nal doc­u­ment can also be found here.

On the evening of Sun­day, May 23rd, EDW Lynch was present at a roman­tic eval­u­a­tion meet­ing or “Date” with a young woman “Erica K,” who was con­sid­ered by this com­pany to be a poten­tial roman­tic oppor­tu­nity. At 7:32pm pacific day­light time, Erica issued a state­ment of “Let’s Just Be Friends” to EDW Lynch. In line with com­pany pol­icy, her account with our dat­ing depart­ment has been closed.

EDW Lynch is dis­clos­ing this inci­dent pur­suant of com­pany pol­icy, and for the ben­e­fit of our stake­hold­ers and the pub­lic. This LJBF dis­clo­sure is not cause for con­cern, and falls well within our roman­tic pro­jec­tions for this fis­cal year.

For addi­tional infor­ma­tion, the press con­tact is Social Resources Czar T. Argyle Funston-Nakamoto, social­re­sources at edwlynch.com