The EDW Lynch cor­po­rate man­glom­er­ate is delighted to announce we are now accept­ing appli­ca­tions for our Fall roman­tic eval­u­a­tion meet­ing (dat­ing) season.

The man­glom­er­ate has been inun­dated by roman­tic inquiries ever since EDW Lynch announced our tri­umphant return to the San Fran­cisco roman­tic mar­ket last week. Our easy to use dat­ing appli­ca­tion form will stream­line the process of select­ing qual­i­fied appli­cants for roman­tic eval­u­a­tion meet­ings dur­ing Fall 2010.

Appli­cants are reminded that due to car­bon foot­print con­cerns, EDW Lynch will not travel out­side of San Fran­cisco for dat­ing pur­poses. And while EDW Lynch par­tic­u­larly cel­e­brates appli­cants of exotic and intrigu­ingly mixed eth­nic her­itage, we do not dis­crim­i­nate on the basis of race, gen­der, or height, as per State and Fed­eral statute.

Good Luck!

Apply Now! EDW Lynch Appli­ca­tion for Roman­tic Eval­u­a­tion Meeting

See also:
Press Con­fer­ence: EDW Lynch Announces Reen­try to Roman­tic Market

Press Con­fer­ence: EDW Lynch Announces Depar­ture from Roman­tic Market

Roman­tic Oper­a­tions: None

EDW Lynch has now been off San Francisco’s roman­tic mar­ket for 45 days. As a result active roman­tic oper­a­tions con­tinue to be at a stand­still. We con­tinue to closely mon­i­tor the mar­ket, and in par­tic­u­lar the leg­warmer and hapa indices for signs of a recov­ery from the roman­tic recession.

Roman­tic Out­look: Guarded

San Francisco’s roman­tic mar­ket con­tin­ues to show signs of reces­sion.  Attrac­tive­ness inequal­ity in dat­ing part­ner­ships is par­tic­u­larly high; an alarm­ing num­ber of attrac­tive women in San Francisco’s Mis­sion neigh­bor­hood are paired with frumpy men with saggy pants and lum­ber­jack beards. We look for to a cor­rec­tion in the mar­ket by the fall, at which point these women will reen­ter the dat­ing pool.

New Posi­tion: Adam Andrews, Direc­tor of Roman­tic Oper­a­tions

We are proud to announce the addi­tion of Adam Andrews, Esq. to the Part­ner Man­age­ment Divi­sion as our new Direc­tor of Roman­tic Oper­a­tions (DRO). Mr. Andrews brings exten­sive expe­ri­ence in Seattle’s roman­tic mar­ket, as well as a keen under­stand­ing of con­tract law and gen­eral roman­tic oper­a­tions. As DRO he will be respon­si­ble for man­ag­ing roman­tic eval­u­a­tion meet­ings (e. g., “dates”) at a tac­ti­cal level.

He will also be in charge of the Awk­ward Mit­i­ga­tion Team, our 24 hour rapid response social cri­sis unit.

Jas­mine Steel
Vice Pres­i­dent of Part­ner Management

At 1:41 Pacific Time this after­noon, OKCu­pid informed EDW Lynch of a new “Ice­Breaker” match on their website.

You have a new Ice­Breaker from [redacted]. Read it now! –OKCupid!

As Vice Pres­i­dent of Part­ner Man­age­ment, it is my duty to announce the EDW Lynch Cor­po­rate Man­glom­er­ate cat­e­gor­i­cally rejects this Ice­Breaker and refuses to read it now or at any time in the future. I present a num­ber of rea­sons for this:

EDW Lynch expresses deep con­cern about the accu­racy and util­ity of the OKCu­pid algorithm–and in par­tic­u­lar the alarm­ing num­ber of women selected by the site who love rock­climb­ing and have large, fright­en­ing dogs.

The man­glom­er­ate has also pub­licly with­drawn from San Francisco’s roman­tic mar­ket. This includes the sus­pen­sion of all offi­cial dat­ing activ­i­ties on OKCupid.

The Ice­Breaker fea­ture of OKCu­pid pre­vents our Part­ner Man­age­ment staff from visu­ally ver­i­fy­ing the attrac­tive­ness and/or intrigu­ingly mixed eth­nic her­itage of the poten­tial roman­tic oppor­tu­nity in ques­tion. Nor is it pos­si­ble to judge their social equity based upon the attrac­tive­ness of their friends and the inter­est­ing­ness of activ­i­ties in which they take part. It is the online dat­ing equiv­a­lent of a blind date, and EDW Lynch absolutely refuses to take part in any such dat­ing paradigm.

Jas­mine Steele
Vice Pres­i­dent of Part­ner Man­age­ment
EDW Lynch, CM