Cel­e­brated Bay Area human­i­tar­ian EDW Lynch flew back early from his work in the Mon­terey Bay fight­ing rogue sea otters in order to join a San Fran­cisco wel­com­ing com­mit­tee for “Hate 2.0 Pio­neers” the West­boro Bap­tist Church.

EDW Lynch has expressed a vig­or­ously anti-Hate posi­tion for years, even dur­ing the late ’90’s when Hate expe­ri­enced a brief pop­u­lar­ity due to the rise of real­ity television.

As part of his anti-Hate advo­cacy, EDW Lynch for­mally entered the inner sanc­tum of the Inter­net with his inau­gural post on noted weird-positive online jour­nal, Laugh­ing Squid: God Hates Twit­ter: West­boro Bap­tist Church Plans Protest at Twit­ter Headquarters

On Thurs­day and Fri­day, San Fran­cisco and Palo Alto mon­key stomped on West­boro in a series of baf­fling and spir­ited faux­tests. EDW Lynch for­mally invites West­boro to return to San Fran­cisco with the fol­low­ing promise: “Next time we will bring clowns.”

Cov­er­age of the Twit­ter counter faux­test by EDW Lynch cor­po­rate friend Geeked Info.

In a depar­ture from his civil­ian con­sult­ing for Santa’s Lit­tle Secret Ser­vice, EDW Lynch served this Decem­ber in Santa’s Own 12th Nut­cracker Reg­i­ment. Cit­ing his deep com­mit­ment to “Christ­mas Cer­tainty” (the North Pole pol­icy to ensure Christ­mas occurs each year, and every­where), Cap­tain EDW “Pine Nut” Lynch armed him­self with a candy cane pis­tol and led Oper­a­tion Yule Storm into San Fran­cisco on Decem­ber 12th. The mis­sion: escort the yearly San­ta­con with extreme prejudice.

SAN FRANCISCO– A secu­rity adviser for the Easter Bunny has con­firmed that EDW Lynch is con­sult­ing on secu­rity prepa­ra­tions for the reli­gious hol­i­day icon for this year’s Easter Sun­day celebrations.

A spokes­woman for EDW Lynch declined to com­ment specif­i­cally on the mat­ter cit­ing “secu­rity, con­fi­den­tial­ity and other con­cerns.” How­ever, as com­man­der of Santa’s Lit­tle Secret Ser­vice, EDW Lynch is empow­ered by the Office of the Santa to pro­tect spe­cial dig­ni­taries includ­ing the Easter Bunny.

Spec­u­la­tion on the Easter Bunny’s route in San Fran­cisco is ram­pant and many observers expect the famous rab­bit to appear at the Sister’s of Per­pet­ual Indul­gence 30th Anniver­sary cel­e­bra­tion. A spokes­bunny for the Easter Bunny refused to pro­vide details of the Easter itinerary.