UN Com­man­der EDW Lynch boldly con­fronts card­board tube militants

SAN FRANCISCO– In yet another exam­ple of his self­less human­i­tar­ian spirit, EDW Lynch led a United Nations Uncon­ven­tional Cul­ture Com­mis­sion mon­i­tor­ing mis­sion to Hayes Val­ley Farm.

Act­ing on sig­nals intel­li­gence gleaned from the extrem­ist Card­board Tube Fight­ing League web­site, the multi­na­tional observer force deployed at the urban farm in time to see card­board tube mil­i­tants amass­ing. While some par­tic­i­pants claimed the event was a “card­board didgeri­doo con­fer­ence,” it became clear to inter­na­tional observers that rit­u­al­ized card­board tube vio­lence was the goal of the shad­owy organizers.

EDW Lynch responded to con­cerns about his per­sonal safety by not­ing that “the work of the United Nations Uncon­ven­tional Cul­ture Com­mis­sion is dan­ger­ous but nec­es­sary. I will con­tinue to heed the call of inter­na­tional human­i­tar­i­an­ism, pro­vided that call comes from some­where in the San Fran­cisco Bay Area.”

Cel­e­brated Bay Area human­i­tar­ian EDW Lynch flew back early from his work in the Mon­terey Bay fight­ing rogue sea otters in order to join a San Fran­cisco wel­com­ing com­mit­tee for “Hate 2.0 Pio­neers” the West­boro Bap­tist Church.

EDW Lynch has expressed a vig­or­ously anti-Hate posi­tion for years, even dur­ing the late ’90’s when Hate expe­ri­enced a brief pop­u­lar­ity due to the rise of real­ity television.

As part of his anti-Hate advo­cacy, EDW Lynch for­mally entered the inner sanc­tum of the Inter­net with his inau­gural post on noted weird-positive online jour­nal, Laugh­ing Squid: God Hates Twit­ter: West­boro Bap­tist Church Plans Protest at Twit­ter Headquarters

On Thurs­day and Fri­day, San Fran­cisco and Palo Alto mon­key stomped on West­boro in a series of baf­fling and spir­ited faux­tests. EDW Lynch for­mally invites West­boro to return to San Fran­cisco with the fol­low­ing promise: “Next time we will bring clowns.”

Cov­er­age of the Twit­ter counter faux­test by EDW Lynch cor­po­rate friend Geeked Info.