photo by Der Dunn

EDW Lynch has once again saved the day, this time while lead­ing the Easter Bunny’s secu­rity detail dur­ing the Sacred Rabbit’s state visit to San Fran­cisco on Easter Sun­day. An overzeal­ous fan aggres­sively hugged the Bunny, but was quickly sub­dued by EDW Lynch and Santa’s Lit­tle Secret Ser­vice Agents.  See the full report on Oper­a­tion Tro­jan Rab­bit.

Photo cc Zachary Lara

SAN FRANCISCO–Celebrated human­i­tar­ian EDW Lynch has once again taken up the candy cane sword for Santa Claus. After last year’s vic­to­ri­ous Oper­a­tion Yule Storm, the North Pole asked EDW Lynch to com­mand a joint secu­rity oper­a­tion to pro­tect Sleigh One: Oper­a­tion Chim­ney Sweep. The Decem­ber 4th mis­sion was an unques­tion­able vic­tory for Santa.

The full mis­sion report can be found at the Santa’s Lit­tle Secret Ser­vice pub­lic infor­ma­tion site.

UN Com­man­der EDW Lynch boldly con­fronts card­board tube militants

SAN FRANCISCO– In yet another exam­ple of his self­less human­i­tar­ian spirit, EDW Lynch led a United Nations Uncon­ven­tional Cul­ture Com­mis­sion mon­i­tor­ing mis­sion to Hayes Val­ley Farm.

Act­ing on sig­nals intel­li­gence gleaned from the extrem­ist Card­board Tube Fight­ing League web­site, the multi­na­tional observer force deployed at the urban farm in time to see card­board tube mil­i­tants amass­ing. While some par­tic­i­pants claimed the event was a “card­board didgeri­doo con­fer­ence,” it became clear to inter­na­tional observers that rit­u­al­ized card­board tube vio­lence was the goal of the shad­owy organizers.

EDW Lynch responded to con­cerns about his per­sonal safety by not­ing that “the work of the United Nations Uncon­ven­tional Cul­ture Com­mis­sion is dan­ger­ous but nec­es­sary. I will con­tinue to heed the call of inter­na­tional human­i­tar­i­an­ism, pro­vided that call comes from some­where in the San Fran­cisco Bay Area.”