UN Commander EDW Lynch boldly confronts cardboard tube militants
SAN FRANCISCO– In yet another example of his selfless humanitarian spirit, EDW Lynch led a United Nations Unconventional Culture Commission monitoring mission to Hayes Valley Farm.
Acting on signals intelligence gleaned from the extremist Cardboard Tube Fighting League website, the multinational observer force deployed at the urban farm in time to see cardboard tube militants amassing. While some participants claimed the event was a “cardboard didgeridoo conference,” it became clear to international observers that ritualized cardboard tube violence was the goal of the shadowy organizers.
EDW Lynch responded to concerns about his personal safety by noting that “the work of the United Nations Unconventional Culture Commission is dangerous but necessary. I will continue to heed the call of international humanitarianism, provided that call comes from somewhere in the San Francisco Bay Area.”