SAN FRANCISCO–EDW Lynch announced Tues­day evening that the manglomerate’s Face­book friend hold­ings have expe­ri­enced a slight cor­rec­tion. The smart­siz­ing affected only a small pro­por­tion of EDW Lynch’s eFriendships.

Dur­ing ques­tion­ing by the inter­na­tional press, EDW Lynch addressed the extent of the smart­siz­ing, the fate of the for­mer friends, the sale of those friends to Fre­un­de­bank, the 2008 Sub-Prime Friend Cri­sis, and a state­ment by for­mer friend Melissa Wallace.

See the full text of the press release

Addi­tional EDW Lynch press con­fer­ence videos can be found here</

SAN FRANCISCO–During a rou­tine press con­fer­ence EDW Lynch was con­fronted by heated ques­tion­ing from mem­bers of the inter­na­tional press regard­ing an alleged “voice­mail bom­bard­ment.” Due to the ongo­ing inves­ti­ga­tion by the Awk­ward Mit­i­ga­tion Team (AMT), EDW Lynch was unable to respond to spe­cific ques­tions regard­ing the alleged series of voice­mails and text mes­sages sent, allegedly, to an indi­vid­ual over the course of the weekend.

EDW Lynch did take the oppor­tu­nity express regret for a 2004 inci­dent in which 10 mes­sages and phone calls were trans­mit­ted to a young woman in San Fran­cisco. The man­glom­er­ate takes these mat­ters very seri­ously and looks for­ward to the con­clu­sion of the Awk­ward Mit­i­ga­tion Team’s investigation.

In other news, EDW Lynch has recently enjoyed the finest sand­wich of this fis­cal quar­ter. For the record, it was a Viet­namese Banh Mi.

See the full text of the press release

Addi­tional EDW Lynch press con­fer­ence videos can be found here

SAN FRANCISCO–EDW Lynch announced Tues­day at the Amne­sia Bar and Con­fer­ence Cen­ter that the manglomerate’s roman­tic pro­jec­tions for this fis­cal year have been adjusted. Cit­ing San Francisco’s ongo­ing roman­tic reces­sion, EDW Lynch assured stake­hold­ers the adjust­ments were mod­est and one-time only. This move fol­lows the manglomerate’s deci­sion last month to leave the roman­tic mar­ket due to “mar­ket troubles.”

Dur­ing Q&A with mem­bers of the inter­na­tional press, EDW Lynch addressed the manglomerate’s posi­tion in the attrac­tive­ness index, the Par­ent Company’s demand for “a girl­friend by Thanks­giv­ing 2010,” and a key roman­tic goal involv­ing screen actress Natalie Portman.

From the press release:

Because of this unfore­seen lack of activ­ity on the mar­ket, EDW Lynch is adjust­ing roman­tic pro­jec­tions for this fis­cal year. This mod­est, one-time adjust­ment reflects a min­i­mal impact on our roman­tic oper­a­tions. EDW Lynch expects con­di­tions to improve this Fall, at which point the man­glom­er­ate will re-enter the San Fran­cisco roman­tic market.

See the full text of the press release
See revised roman­tic pro­jec­tions for this fis­cal year (FY 2011)