SAN FRANCISCO–EDW Lynch announced Tues­day evening that the manglomerate’s Face­book friend hold­ings have expe­ri­enced a slight cor­rec­tion. The smart­siz­ing affected only a small pro­por­tion of EDW Lynch’s eFriendships.

Dur­ing ques­tion­ing by the inter­na­tional press, EDW Lynch addressed the extent of the smart­siz­ing, the fate of the for­mer friends, the sale of those friends to Fre­un­de­bank, the 2008 Sub-Prime Friend Cri­sis, and a state­ment by for­mer friend Melissa Wallace.

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Addi­tional EDW Lynch press con­fer­ence videos can be found here</

SAN FRANCISCO–During a rou­tine press con­fer­ence EDW Lynch was con­fronted by heated ques­tion­ing from mem­bers of the inter­na­tional press regard­ing an alleged “voice­mail bom­bard­ment.” Due to the ongo­ing inves­ti­ga­tion by the Awk­ward Mit­i­ga­tion Team (AMT), EDW Lynch was unable to respond to spe­cific ques­tions regard­ing the alleged series of voice­mails and text mes­sages sent, allegedly, to an indi­vid­ual over the course of the weekend.

EDW Lynch did take the oppor­tu­nity express regret for a 2004 inci­dent in which 10 mes­sages and phone calls were trans­mit­ted to a young woman in San Fran­cisco. The man­glom­er­ate takes these mat­ters very seri­ously and looks for­ward to the con­clu­sion of the Awk­ward Mit­i­ga­tion Team’s investigation.

In other news, EDW Lynch has recently enjoyed the finest sand­wich of this fis­cal quar­ter. For the record, it was a Viet­namese Banh Mi.

See the full text of the press release

Addi­tional EDW Lynch press con­fer­ence videos can be found here