OSLO– EDW Lynch Social Tsar T. Argyle Funston-Nakamoto quieted months of speculation today by officially announcing a major sell off of sub-prime friend assets. The sale is part of a social restructuring managed by outside consultant Watkins & Fox.
“Due to current social market conditions and in particular, rampant friend inflation, EDW Lynch has agreed to sell approximately 55 percent of its Preferred Rhombus™ member holdings to Social Equity Investment,” announced Funston-Nakamoto at the Oslo Nordic Arts Center and Smörgåsbord. Social Equity Investments Ltd., a partnership of Zürich-based Freundebank GmBH and Dubai-based social hedge fund Desert Diamond Partners, noted in a statement that they are “deeply pleased” to add the former Preferred Rhombus™ members to their investment portfolio and “predict strong gains in these value-added friend opportunities.” The partnership purchased the members as Growth Positive Friend Securities, which means they will be taking on all debts and liabilities of those friendships, such as unreturned text messages, borrowed clothing items, or personality downturns.
Tsar Funston-Nakamoto said the landmark sale would have “no effect whatsoever” on the ongoing work of the Social Surge, now entering its second year.