FROM THE DESK OF EDW LYNCH–In 2010 I left the roman­tic mar­ket only to surge back with the sur­prise hire of a Chief Snug­gle Offi­cer. Since then our PR depart­ment has been mostly silent. That’s because I’m work­ing on my next great gift to human­ity: my impres­sive mas­tery of words. As newly minted Word­mas­ter, I will wield a tri­dent of progress in 2011 and noth­ing shall be safe from my high degree of excellence.

The first prong of this progress tri­dent: a part­ner­ship between EDW Lynch and rea­son­ably noto­ri­ous blog Laugh­ing Squid. I have been selected as the blog’s first Con­tribut­ing Edi­tor by Pri­mary Ten­ta­cle, Scott Beale. This great honor marks the moment that–at last–I have ascended the throne to Inter­net lumi­nary. I respect­fully request that offers of free prod­ucts and ser­vices be lim­ited to those that will gen­uinely inter­est me. Also, I will return nothing.

The sec­ond prong of the progress tri­dent is EDW Lynch Vol­ume One, a vig­or­ous and fancy-free writ­ing blog in which I will embrace my inner Poe. Noth­ing shall be sacred on this intensely ambi­tious site.

The third prong of the progress tri­dent is as yet unnamed, and so it shall remain a sharp barbed blade suit­able for catch­ing fish. Also it may involve com­edy writ­ing and performance.

And in other news, the cor­po­rate twit­ter account will be tran­si­tioned to my cor­po­rate iPhone, where I will life­cast my every mood, opin­ion, and health sta­tus change. Spe­cial thanks to the EDW Lynch twit­ter team; regret­tably you’re fired.

To recap, the three prongs of the progress tri­dent are Laugh­ing Squid, EDW Lynch Vol­ume One, and a sharp, barbed blade. Watch out, 2011.

DICTATED BUT NOT READ

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