OSLO– EDW Lynch Social Tsar T. Argyle Funston-Nakamoto qui­eted months of spec­u­la­tion today by offi­cially announc­ing a major sell off of sub-prime friend assets. The sale is part of a social restruc­tur­ing man­aged by out­side con­sul­tant Watkins & Fox.

“Due to cur­rent social mar­ket con­di­tions and in par­tic­u­lar, ram­pant friend infla­tion, EDW Lynch has agreed to sell approx­i­mately 55 per­cent of its Pre­ferred Rhom­bus™ mem­ber hold­ings to Social Equity Invest­ment,” announced Funston-Nakamoto at the Oslo Nordic Arts Cen­ter and Smörgås­bord. Social Equity Invest­ments Ltd., a part­ner­ship of Zürich-based Fre­un­de­bank GmBH and Dubai-based social hedge fund Desert Dia­mond Part­ners, noted in a state­ment that they are “deeply pleased” to add the for­mer Pre­ferred Rhom­bus™ mem­bers to their invest­ment port­fo­lio and “pre­dict strong gains in these value-added friend oppor­tu­ni­ties.” The part­ner­ship pur­chased the mem­bers as Growth Pos­i­tive Friend Secu­ri­ties, which means they will be tak­ing on all debts and lia­bil­i­ties of those friend­ships, such as unre­turned text mes­sages, bor­rowed cloth­ing items, or per­son­al­ity downturns.

Tsar Funston-Nakamoto said the land­mark sale would have “no effect what­so­ever” on the ongo­ing work of the Social Surge, now enter­ing its sec­ond year.

Tags: social surge, sub-prime friend crisis

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